Marching on through 2017 (sorry I couldn’t help it-check out my insta for a complete view of my love for puns). But REALLY MARCH ALREADY?!?!?! Goodness me oh my, time just zips away. Anyways- man. The past month I think can best be described as riding 10 roller coasters at once. And in that being at lows and highs and loops in different places. As it sounds, it has been pretty chaotic. My performance self has gone into overdrive. It has been hard. Thrilling, yes. Exciting, yes. But also overwhelming. And in that my armor got pretty weak. Small lies from the enemy began to build up. Insecurities that don’t normally surface began to. But a few days ago in the sweetest of ways- I lost it. My buried emotions quickly unsurfaced and I just bawled (in the middle of rush hour students going to class madness of course). Because the past month has been a competition of self performance. And I’ve put my worth in my abilities, independency and people pleasing. And not once was it live giving or fulfilling. And after weeks of the deception of being “full” it became overwhelmingly obvious how empty I truly felt. I was defining, so selfishly, who I was completely based off results. Results of new Cicerone opportunities, results of tests (school has been HARD this semester- often with hours of studying with very lousy grades in return), results of friendships and relationships, results of my future, results of summer plans. Anything this performer could get her hands on. And goodness it has been tireless. And yes, I have sought the Lord this past month. I have had precious morning quiet times. Friends have loved me so selflessly and blessed me with so much truth from the Word. But still so, I let the enemy have a grip with whispering thoughts claiming identity over me. Identity in things that are so fleeting. Identity in things that weren’t Jesus. And I began to believe it. So easily distracted from hope in the gospel, the small whispers became thundering. And last Friday, it all boiled over. Leaving me feeling pretty worthless. Which put me in an ugly cycle of then being so frustrated with how, of all people in this planet could I, a child of the God, be anything but FULL OF WORTH AS A DAUGHTER. Crazy, how the enemy can bury foundational truth so swiftly. But, here I am, almost a week later so eager to encourage! Encourage you friends with truth that can strengthen your armor. Truth that defeats ALL lies. Because last Friday, when I was wrecked with overwhelming sin- Jesus scooped me up. Because his grace is never-ending. He comforts. He listens. He loves deeper than anything we could ever imagine. Here is a verse that has ministered so deeply to me this past week:
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 When our hope lies in our perfect Father then are we filled. Filled with joy and peace, to the point of overflow. I crave that. To be able to rush around from thing to thing and confidently claim “Jesus, my hope is in you. Not in school, not in my next hour of plans, not in my friendships, not in my family.” And I have noticed as the Spirit reminds me of this verse, my armor is being restored, the lies have quieted, and I am filled with a peace and joy that is not circumstantial, but supernatural.
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AuthorI LOVE JESUS, GRACE, PEOPLE, PUNS, TRAVEL, ADVENTURE AND THE FLORIDA GATAS Archives
October 2016
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